Archive for October, 2007

30
Oct
07

On This Day

1938 – Orson Welles’ “The War of the Worlds” aired on CBS radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was a live news event about a Martian invasion caused panic among listeners.

1988 – Kurt Cobain smashed his very first guitar.

I do not suppose I shall be remembered for anything. But I don’t think about my work in those terms. It is just as vulgar to work for the sake of posterity as to work for the sake of money.
Orson Welles

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.
Kurt Cobain

29
Oct
07

Hooray! It’s Monday!

You see things and say, “Why?”  I dream things that never were and say, “Because I’ll pay you to wear them.”
(The Covert Comic)

******

Recipe for Banana Bread

Ingredients:

2 Laughing Eyes

2 Loving Arms

2 Well Shaped Legs

2 Firm Milk Containers

1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl

2 Large Nuts

1 Large Banana

Method:

1. Look into Loving Eyes. 2. Fold in Loving Arms. 3. Spread Well Shaped Legs. 4. Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger. 5. Add Banana – work in and out until well creamed. 6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief. Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don’t lick the bowl.

N.B. If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.

******

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one-by-one began to tell their stories. “Johnny, do you have a story to share?”, the teacher asked.
“Yes ma’am,” Johnny replied. “My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Nancy. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit.
“She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. “She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of 20 enemy troops. She shot 15 of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed 4 more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
“Good heavens,” cried the horrified teacher. “What kind of moral did your daddy give you from this horrible story?”
“Stay the hell away from Aunt Nancy when she’s drinking.

26
Oct
07

On This Day

1993 – Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts of defrauding the U.S. government and lying to the U.S. Congress. Dean was a central figure in the Reagan-era HUD scandal.

I remember this, not the Deborah Gore Dean part, but the HUD (Housing and Urban Development) scandal.  The bill had the best intentions, providing money to repair low-cost housing.  A friend of mine got a new door, some new windows and the building got fresh paint.  That was one intention behind passing the bill.  Another intention behind the bill was to provide money for houses that proved to have historical value.

That loophole doomed the bill’s intention, turning it into a bamboozle that bilked the US Government and people of the United States out of millions of dollars.  Bed and breakfast inns popped up all over America, becoming so popular television created the Bob Newhart Show, which had a bed and breakfast inn as the main setting.  Anyone with Mathew Lesko’s talent, who could sift through the maze of bureaucratic paperwork, could get money for homes of historical value provided they open those homes to the public.

People with huge mansions worth millions of dollars got money.  I remember a former Wisconsin state legislator who got money to put new curtains on her mansion’s windows, fresh paint on her mansion’s walls, and maybe some new doilies for her mansion’s end tables.  A professor at a prominent Wisconsin college also got money for his home.  People who understood bureaucracy got the money, and America got bed and breakfast.

In Raleigh, North Carolina a low-cost housing project slated to receive funds to repair old windows, doors and a faulty heating system didn’t, and a woman and her children were axphixiated by the faulty heating system.

25
Oct
07

Cold War I (1917-1989)

A lie told often enough becomes the truth.
Vladimir Lenin

Can a nation be free if it oppresses other nations? It cannot.
Vladimir Lenin

Not believing in force is the same as not believing in gravity.
Leon Trotsky

Education is a weapon whose effects depend on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed.
Joseph Stalin

In the Soviet army it takes more courage to retreat than advance.
Joseph Stalin

The people who cast the votes don’t decide an election, the people who count the votes do.
Joseph Stalin

1917 – The Bolsheviks (Communists) under Vladimir Ilyich Lenin seized power in Russia.

23
Oct
07

On This Day

1910 – Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make a public solo airplane flight.

1915 – Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote with a march in New York City, NY.

1956 – Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary and eventually suppress the uprising.

1989 – Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 years of Soviet rule.

Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.
– Karl Marx

Amazing…a woman had flown an airplane, but could not vote.  Airplanes in those days consisted of a kite with an engine.

22
Oct
07

Sleeping in Church

A man and wife attended church one evening, and the wife decided that it was time to stop her husband from sleeping in Church. So, she took her hat pin and decided she would poke him every time he fell asleep. Right about the first time he falls asleep, the preacher asks, “And who created the Universe?” The wife poked her husband and he awakes and yells, “My God!”
The second time he falls asleep, the preacher asks, “And who died on the cross for you?” She pokes her husband and he screams, “Jesus Christ!”
The third time, the Preacher asks, ” And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?”
The wife pokes her husband and he jumps up and yells, “By God, if you poke me with that thing one more time, I am going to break it OFF!”

On a serious note:  The man who caught the first ever touchdown pass thrown in the first Super Bowl ever played died on Saturday.  Max Magee was Seventy-five. 

The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.
Vince Lombardi

21
Oct
07

On Horror Movies

That guy must be the rudest doctor in the world. I just asked him one simple little medical question: “What am I supposed to do with these suppositories?”
(Travis Ruetenik)

Recently, I’ve been watching horror flicks.  I had stopped watching them because they all seemed to have one recurring outcome.  Bare with me as I paint a picture, because I just finished watching Saw and last weekend I watched Hostel.  I know I’m terribly behind the times, but my interest in these movies is because someone of the fairer sex enjoys them.  Here’s the thing that is so laughable about these horror films.  At some point during the film one of the victims or hostages is going to have the advantage over the deranged sociopathic killer.  If they have gotten hold of the gun, I will be vocally instructing the victim/hostage to shoot the son of a gun.  Shoot him!  Don’t argue with him.  Don’t reason with him.  Don’t command him to stay, because he won’t.  Just shoot him!  They never listen, and the end result is always a bad thing. 

Take the movie Wolf Creek for instance.  The traumatized victim escapes and gets the psycho’s gun.  She shoots him.  Finally someone listened.  But does she finish him off with one to the head to make sure he’s dead.  Of course not, because that would take away the secondary plot twist and the film would be over.  In this film because she doesn’t finish him off she ends up as a head on a stick.  If you saw the film you know what I mean.

I fell asleep during Saw.  I guess that means I won’t be seeing any of the sequels, I think they’re on number four now.  I didn’t fall asleep during Hostel, probably because it is just a real creepy movie.  I got mad during Wolf Creek because the victim didn’t finish him off and only remotely watched the end of that one.  Personally I like Sci-fi and Historical movies.  The last movie I saw at a theater was Enemy at the Gates.  I watch Jude Law movies because of that movie.




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