Archive for November, 2007

30
Nov
07

On This Day 11-30

1700 – 8,000 Swedish troops under King Charles XII defeated an army of at least 50,000 Russians at the Battle of Narva. King Charles XII died on this day.

1782 – The United States and Britain signed preliminary peace articles in Paris, ending the Revolutionary War.

1803 – Spain completed the process of ceding Louisiana to France.

1835 – Samuel Langhorne Clemens was born. He wrote “Tom Sawyer” and “Huckleberry Finn” under the name Mark Twain.

1897 – Thomas Edison’s own motion picture projector had its first commercial exhibition.

1939 – The Russo-Finnish War began when 20 divisions of Soviet troops invaded Finland.

1949 – Chinese Communists captured Chungking.

1954 – In Sylacauga, AL, Elizabeth Hodges was injured when a meteorite crashed through the roof of her house. The rock weighed 8½-pounds.

1988 – Kohlberg Kravis Roberts and Co. took over RJR Nabisco Inc. with a bid of $24.53 billion.

1995 – President Clinton became the first U.S. chief executive to visit Northern Ireland.

In the practical art of war, the best thing of all is to take the enemy’s country whole and intact; to shatter and destroy it is not so good.
Sun Tzu

Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance.
Sun Tzu

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27
Nov
07

On This Day 11-27

1701 – Anders Celsius was born in Sweden. He was the inventor of the Celsius thermometer.

1779 – The College of Pennsylvania became the University of Pennsylvania. It was the first legally recognized university in America.

1901 – The Army War College was established in Washington, DC.

1910 – New York’s Pennsylvania Station opened.

1963 – U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson delivered his first address to a joint session of Congress.

1973 – The U.S. Senate voted to confirm Gerald R. Ford as vice president after the resignation of Spiro T. Agnew.

1978 – San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and City Supervisor Harvey Milk, a gay-rights activist, were shot to death inside City Hall by Dan White, a former supervisor.

Jerry Ford is so dumb he can’t fart and chew gum at the same time.
Lyndon B. Johnson

I am a Ford, not a Lincoln.
Gerald R. Ford

History and experience tell us that moral progress comes not in comfortable and complacent times, but out of trial and confusion.
Gerald R. Ford

26
Nov
07

Workplace Humor

When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
Calvin Coolidge

~~~~~~

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a “manager”.  The questions are not that difficult.

  1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
    The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.  This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
  2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
    Wrong Answer :  Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
    Correct Answer : Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
    This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
  3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
    Correct Answer :  The Elephant.  The Elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.

  1. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
    Correct Answer:  You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting! This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Andersen Consulting World wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong.  But many pre-schoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four year old.

Submitted by Powder

~~~~~

Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
 

After a two-year long study, The National Science Foundation announced the following results on Corporate America’s recreational preferences:

  1. The sport of choice for male unemployed or incarcerated individuals is BASKETBALL.
  2. The sport of choice for male maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
  3. The sport of choice for male front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
  4. The sport of choice for male supervisors is BASEBALL.
  5. The sport of choice for male middle management is TENNIS.
  6. The sport of choice for male corporate officers is GOLF.

Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become…

Submitted by DkSdBubba

    The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door.
    Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”

You can find many more of these here: http://www.butlerwebs.com/jokes/working.htm

25
Nov
07

On This Day 11-25

1758 – During the French and Indian War, the British captured Fort Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh.

1783 – During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated New York. New York was their last military position in the U.S.

1850 – Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in exchange for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public debts and settle border disputes.

1867 – Alfred Nobel patented dynamite.

1936 – The Anti-Comintern Pact, an agreement between Japan and Germany, was signed.

1955 – In the U.S., the Interstate Commerce Commission banned racial segregation on interstate trains and buses.

1986 – U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese revealed that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had been diverted to rebels in Nicaragua.

1998 – President Jiang Zemin arrived in Tokyo for the first visit to Japan by a Chinese head of state since World War II.

Europe was created by history. America was created by philosophy.
Margaret Thatcher

Ruminations

Just as the book says, all I really needed to know I learned in kindergarten, like sharing, how to get along with others, the importance of playing fairly, how to kill silently using only a piano wire as a garrote… No, wait, that last one I may have learned in Ms. Haggerty’s fifth grade music class, but you get the idea.
(Wiley)

21
Nov
07

Happy Thanksgiving

My father is passing family traditions to me, one of which is saying grace before holiday meals.  I thought I’d share this year’s grace and wish everyone a safe and happy holiday!

Dear Lord we pray,
For those gathered, for friends near and far, for loved ones dear and departed. Thank you for this day and this bounty before us, and we pray that there shall be many more days such as these. In Jesus name, Amen.

Happy Thanksgiving!

18
Nov
07

On This Day: 11-18

1865 – Samuel L. Clemens published “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County” under the pen name “Mark Twain” in the New York “Saturday Press.”

1936 – Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government of Francisco Franco.

1959 – William Wyler’s “Ben-Hur” premiered at Loew’s Theater in New York City’s Times Square.

1976 – The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship.

1978 – In Jonestown, Guyana, Reverend Jim Jones persuaded his followers to commit suicide by drinking a death potion. Some people were shot to death. 914 cult members were left dead including over 200 children.

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.
– Aristotle, from Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Mark Twain

17
Nov
07

On This Day: 11-17 Julius Martov, Menshevik

1903 – Russia’s Social Democrats officially split into two groups – Bolsheviks and Mensheviks.

1973 – U.S. President Nixon told an Associated Press managing editors meeting in Orlando, FL, “people have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I’m not a crook.”

1979 – Iran’s Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13 female and black American hostages being held at the U.S. Embassy in Tehran.

1988 – Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an Islamic country. She was elected in the first democratic elections in Pakistan in 11 years.

1990 – The Soviet government agreed to change the country’s constitution.

Julius Martov 1904

Short Constitution of the All-Russian Social Democratic Workers’ Party
(Maximum Constitution of the ‘Hards’)

First Published: Iskra, No 58, 25 January 1904;
Source: Martov: A political Biography of a Russian Social Democrat by Israel Getzler, Melbourne University Press, 1967.


1. The Party is divided into those who sit and those who are sat upon.Note: Groups and individuals who cannot sit nor wish to be sat upon are completely abolished.

2. In general, sitters are to sit. As for those who are sat upon, their main function is to be sat upon.

3. In the interests of centralism, the sitters shall enjoy varying degrees of trust. As for those who are sat upon, they are all equal in their rights.

4. To reward those who have sat, a Council is set up. The latter, though, can also sit independently.

5. This hierarchy is crowned by a Fifth, whose rights of sitting are limited only by the laws of nature.

6. The sitting of the Central Organ is maintained by measures of spiritual reasoning. In any case of resistance by those who have thus been brought to reason, they are handed over to the Central Committee.

7. Then the Central Committee takes action.

8. Those who are sat upon make contributions to the party treasury both for the expense of sitting and likewise for the purpose of propaganda.

9. In the fullness of time all party members, sitters and sat upon, will make a revolution.

Note: From which obligation those who have been sufficiently and completely sat upon are exempt.

And they still say Russians are unable to express their thoughts succinctly. Parlez-moi de ça !

L. Martov

Courtesy of http://www.marxists.org/archive/martov/1904/01/constitution.htm




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