28
Jan
08

Monday Dose of Humor

“If you cannot get your lawyer to call you, try not paying his bill.”
– Pete Ferguson

When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life.
Uh, I hadn’t really thought about it” replied the stunned surgeon. “You’re the first one ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy.”

Two guys were lounging on a nude beach when a attractive young blonde wandered by.
One man turned to the other and said “Man, I bet she looks hot in a bikini!”

Stranded
One day this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. “It’s certainly not a ship,” he thinks to himself.
And as the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned guy and asks, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“Ten years!” he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pocket of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag, and says, “Man, oh man!” “Is that ever good!”
She then asks him, “How long has it been since you’ve had a sip of bourbon?”
Trembling, he replies, “Ten Years!”
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask, and gives it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swing, and says, “Wow, that’s absolutely fantastic!”
Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively and asks, “And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”
The guy, with tears in his eyes, replies, “Oh sweet Lord God!” “Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there!”

http://www.coolquiz.com/humor/jokes/

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