Archive for April 15th, 2008

15
Apr
08

Taxing Humor

Jokes That IRS Doesn’t Want You to Know


There was a man who computed his taxes for 1997 and found that he owed $3407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:

Dear IRS:

Enclosed is my 1997 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).

This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the ‘Presidential Election Fund’, as noted on my return. Might I suggest you send the above mentioned fund a ‘1.5 inch screw’. (See attached article – HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw an article about the Pentagon and ‘screwdrivers’.

Sincerely,

I. Getscrewed Everyear

 

Pledge of Obedience

I pledge obedience, to the bureaucrats, who are the United States government. And to their salaries, for which I pay. One nation, deep in debt, irresponsible, with the slavery of income taxation for all.

Tomas Estrada-Palma

 

Balanced Budget

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing — and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.

— Will Rogers

“It’s tax time and President Bush is saving a lot on taxes this year. He’s writing off his entire second term.”

–David Letterman

“Last night in his speech, President Bush called for a complete overhaul of the tax code. He said he was shocked to find out that some millionaires in this country were still paying taxes.”

–Jay Leno

American History 101

It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade class.  The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history.
“Who said,  ‘Give me Liberty or give me Death’ ?”  She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki’s
“Patrick Henry 1775,” he  said.
“Very  good!  Who said ‘…government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’?”
Again, no response, except from Suzuki. “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”
The teacher snapped, “Class, you  should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”
She heard a loud whisper, “Screw the Japs.”
“Who said that?” she demanded.
Suzuki raised his hand: “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”
At that point a student said, “I’m  gonna puke.” The teacher glared and asked, “All right!  Who said that?”
Suzuki says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Suzuki jumps up waving his hand and shouts, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,  1997!”
With near mob hysteria, someone screams, “You little s**t. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”
Suzuki yells, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.”
At this, the teacher fainted.  The class gathered around her.
One of the kids says, “Oh s**t, we’re in BIG  trouble!”
Suzuki says,  “Arthur Andersen, 2002.”

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