28
Apr
08

Little Johnny

Do You Pray Before Eating?

The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”

“No sir,” Little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook!”

 

What is the chemical formula for water?

Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What is the chemical formula for water?”

Little Johnny replies, “HIJKLMNO”!!

The teacher, puzzled, asks, “What on Earth are you talking about?”

Little Johnny replies, “Yesterday you said it was H to O!”

 

Better Grades

Little Johnny wasn’t getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement.

He tapped her on the shoulder and said, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t start getting better grades…somebody is going to get a spanking!”

 

Little Johnny & the Evils of Liquor

Little Johnny’s chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

“Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms,” said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.

He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. “Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” he asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”

 

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
     “Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. “My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said.
     “Excellent, Michael!”
     Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. “Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Beautiful, …just #$&#*&^# beautiful!

 

One day Little Johnny’s mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine.  This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny’s father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, “THIS is what I found in “your” son’s closet.”
     He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
     Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him,
     “Well what should we do about this?”
     Little Johnny’s dad looked at her and said, “Well I don’t think you should spank him.”

 

“Hey, Mom,” asked Little Johnny, “can you give me twenty dollars?”
    “Certainly not!” answered his mother.
    “If you do,” Little Johnny went on, “I’ll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop.”
    His mother’s ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. “Well? what did he say?”
    “He said, ‘Hey, Juanita, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'”

 

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.  The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is – it’s some flowers!”
     “That’s right!” shouted the little boy.
     Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said.  “I bet I know what it is – it’s a box of candy!”
      “That’s right!” shouted the little girl.
     The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son, Little Johnny.  The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking.  She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.  “Is it wine?” she asked.
     “No,” Little Johnny answered.
     The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.  “Is it champagne?” she asked.
     “No,” he answered.
     Finally, the teacher said, “I give up. What is it?”
     Little Johnny replied, “A puppy!”

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